Epiphany

That I really dont' appreciate. At all.
I guess that one of the reasons I don't eat is because it'd the only way that I don't think about you. I think about calories, and whether anyone notices, and how I'll avoid eating dinner, or whether anyone notices. I htink about how fat I look and how much I hate my body.
ANd I'd rather be hating myself and be scared of looking in the mirror or at the scale than be thinking about you. And the worst part is, I don't even know how you feel about me. I haven't even talked to you in months & months and you never even explained. The worst part is seeing you and assuming that you don't see me. Knowing that I'M the weak one that I'M the one who still cares. And I don't even know if thats true.