No no no

fatfatfat

I guess I'm just a completely incompetent person. I used to be just so good at ana. I was the queen. I could hide it, use it, never ever binge. I used to laugh when people weighed over 100 pounds, telling myself I'd never get that fat. And look at me now. 120 fucking pounds. Oh yes, up one. Its so fucking disgusting, I;m so fucking disgusting.

I had my perfect little plan. SO neat and perfect and square and I ruined in, I colored outside the lines.

Home alone today, no school so I'm doing a liquid fast. Water and sprite Zero. I don't trust crystal light because it has calories and it tastes kinda gross to me. Food isn't even a question today. Food is Hitler, and calories are Nazis. I'm a Jew in hiding. Nice analogy actually. I like it.

The only highlight right now is I feel like I've taken, laxatives, & I havent. So I'm going to the bathroom like every 30 minutes. Which makes me happy, like a free colon flush. I actually have laxatives, but I can't take them because I have a game tomorrow morning and I will be total shit. So hope & hope that this actually matters. Because whenever I feel like all this effort is for nothing, I binge. And I WILL NOT BINGE.

I might go out today with my friend so then I can hopefully ask my mom for food money, and instead buy Wasted with it. I like the way thats works really. That would give me a lot of satisfaction. Using my food money for my anorexia.

Nice. Square. Color inside the lines.

Oh and ps. thanks to any followers :)